'The scars that mark my body are reminders of all the life I've lived.'
was suddenly at the forefront of my life, and almost instinctively I knew those marks weren't supposed to be there. I had never even heard the termWhere they had come from, I didn't know. Although looking back, I suppose they had formed during a period of rapid growth as I approached puberty. What I did know is that my once smooth skin now had ruts; my unblemished shell now flawed.
Now, no one had specifically told me that stretch marks were a bad thing, yet I still managed to internalize that message. My mom, nor was that term even a part of her vocabulary. In fact, I have vivid memories of her telling me how beautiful my skin was, how gorgeous my hair was, and how good I looked in the variety of outfits I wore. But stretch marks on someone my age — and really, probably anyone of any age — weren't represented in the magazines I devoured or the TV shows I watched.
But something changed after becoming a mother. It didn't happen immediately or painlessly though. Honestly, I spent the first two postpartum years loathing the scars that had claimed my once flawless abdomen. Every time I saw them, I was reminded that I was getting older. That there was no going back to a more youthful body. And that I would never look the way our culture expected me to. So, my efforts to conceal them continued.
Until I lost my next two pregnancies. I had carried two more babies, but instead of scars on my body, I was left with nothing but scars on my heart. I would have gladly accepted all the stretch marks in the world if it had meant having the opportunity to mother my babies. And with that, my perspective changed. Suddenly, the torn skin that wrapped around my belly and descended onto my hips became a symbol of growth. Of gain. Of goodness.
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