'Going forward, I endeavour to live in harmony with my condition rather than battle against it' 💗
To me, it has felt as though society respects ‘good’ diabetics that eat ‘well’ and manage their blood sugars – and I never want to feel like I’m a burden on the healthcare system. So, in many ways, societal perceptions of diabetes fuel this desire to appear ‘perfect’ – and this drives the shame I feel during the festive period at enjoying decadent foods.
Over the years, I’ve been really ill with complications from type one. When I was first admitted to hospital upon diagnosis, my doctor told me that I was ‘lucky’ not to be in a coma. A few years into my diagnosis, I was in the hospital overnight – my insulin pump had stopped working, and my blood sugars were skyrocketing. I was on a drip overnight as my levels recovered, with nurses monitoring me each hour.
I can’t help but berate myself for enjoying the celebrations like everyone else, plagued by a persistent feeling that I should be more in control. On another occasion, I was enjoying a festive meal out with friends at a restaurant and was met with stares from the neighbouring tables and waiting staff alike as I administered insulin. These were the days before my insulin pump, so every injection was a public declaration of my type one. Christmas only enhances its visibility.
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