AskABoss: “Offices that like to say they’re like a family are some of the ones most likely to penalize you if you don’t take part in workplace social events,” says askamanager
I work for a nonprofit organization. My department is a very close-knit one, with lots of talk about being “a family” and always being willing to help people out on projects even if it isn’t in our job description.
I am currently far exceeding my “assistant” job description and am also seeking a title/compensation change to reflect the project manager role I’m now performing. Despite recommendations from previous and current managers that I be promoted, my organization is dragging their feet. I am beginning to worry that if I asked why, they would tell me that I am also not a “team player.”
There are workplaces where even if you do excellent work, you’ll be seen as insufficiently invested if you don’t show up at enough office social events. And relatedly, that “we’re like family here” thing that your office likes to do? Also not healthy or reasonable. In fact, it’s hugely problematic. You tend to see that bandied about in offices where boundaries are routinely violated and you’re expected to work long hours, accept lower pay, not complain about bad management, and generally prioritize loyalty to your employer over your own interests — even if your employer doesn’t reciprocate that loyalty in any meaningful way.
The easiest way to find out is to ask your boss directly. There’s no reason you can’t say, “I’m finding that my work keeps me really busy and it’s hard for me to participate in department activities like X and Y.
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