Two ER doctors in New York log what the rest of the world doesn’t have to watch.
Two emergency physicians, based at two different hospitals in the New York metropolitan area, are logging their days for Slate. At the end of each shift, they write a response to three questions: What was today like? How did it compare with yesterday? And how do you feel? We have offered them anonymity so that they can write freely about their experiences. Dr. Kelly Keene and Dr. Lauren Serino are pseudonyms. Read Week 1ER docs are superstitious.
There’s so much more to care than the vent. But if you need it and don’t have it, then there isn’t any more to do. Maybe a miracle drug will be approved. Maybe Oprah will show up with a truck full of medical equipment shouting: “You get a vent! And you get a vent! And you!” I feel off. Tired. My voice is a little scratchy tonight. I hate being so tuned in to every minor feeling in my body wondering if this is it. Did I get it?There’s another refrigerated truck outside the hospital. It doesn’t feel as startling as the first. It feels inevitable, now. Of course there would be two. The fancy ones have shelving so that the bodies don’t have to be piled on top of each other.
I close my eyes to feel the air on my face but I still see the bodies in the trucks. I can’t unsee the bodies in the trucks. The people out here don’t see them. I’d have a hard time believing it if I hadn’t seen it myself—the day is so beautiful, the weather so nice. I feel like I’m living on two sides of a mirror. We contain things so well behind the ambulance bay doors; sometimes I think we shouldn’t. Maybe people should see just a little. Just enough to let their imagination wander.
Sleeping has never been my forte, but it is so much worse now—just restless and filled with dreams aboutAs now expected, many of the patients present are in varying degrees of hypoxia , likely due to COVID. Interspersed between these hypoxic patients, there are a few other medical emergencies. One patient is in intermittent ventricular tachycardia, repeatedly needing defibrillation. One patient presenting with a headache turned out to be having a significant intracranial hemorrhage.
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