'I am angry': I'm an unmarried stay-at-home mother in a 20-year relationship, but my boyfriend won't put my name on the deed of our house. Am I unreasonable?

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'I am angry': I'm an unmarried stay-at-home mother in a 20-year relationship, but my boyfriend won't put my name on the deed of our house. Am I unreasonable?
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To me, not being on the deed is a direct correlation to how I am devalued for my time and labor. I feel like I am considered “less than” simply because I am a woman, an at-home parent, and a homemaker. What should I do, Moneyist?

I have been in my relationship for almost 20 years. For personal reasons, we are not married but we have a 10-year-old child.

In the two years since we’ve bought and moved into our place, we’ve had several tense “discussions” about adding me to the deed. For me, even though I’m not an earner, I am still a working member of this household, so having my name on the deed is about equality in the relationship and family. But it does matter. To me, not being on the deed is a direct correlation to how I am devalued for my time and labor. I feel like I am considered “less than” simply because I am a woman, an at-home parent, and a homemaker. I am angry about my situation.

Put bluntly, you’re not being unreasonable. There is a huge amount of physical, mental and emotional labor involved in being a stay-at-home parent and homemaker, and an equal amount of time devoted to raising your son and taking care of your home while your partner attends to his 9-to-5 job. Your partner would have to file a grand or warranty deed with the county clerk. This could come with ramifications for insurance and should be done in consultation with a lawyer. It should, in theory, only cost a few hundred dollars.

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