In this excerpt from his book, 'How We Do Family,' Biffandi shares how his two older kids reacted very differently to news of his pregnancy.
Hailey was six when we first started talking to her about being a big sister at some point. One night, when I was tucking her in, she asked if I “really, actually” wanted to have a baby. I tried to sound nonchalant and dismissed the question with a breezy “Oh, I don’t know, honey. Maybe!” But she pressed on. “No, Daddy, youknow,” she declared. “Yes or no, do you want to have a baby?” I sighed and sat down on the bed. “Yes, honey. I do want to have a baby.” She promptly burst into tears.
“Well—Hailey, Lucas . . . we wanted to let you guys know that—” He paused for dramatic effect as I pulled out the ultrasound photo. “We’re having a baby!” he exclaimed as I showed them both the photo. We had expected Hailey to react badly, given her previous animosity toward the whole baby idea. But much to our surprise, she jumped out of her chair with joy, screaming at the top of her lungs.
“And we know that it’s not every day that a man gets pregnant, so we will leave it up to you to decide if and when you tell your friends, okay?” Lucas immediately began to tell us that he wanted us to keep it a secret entirely, requesting that he be able to tell his friends that the baby is his cousin or a baby we were babysitting. Biff and I glanced at each other in frustration.
“Lucas, Daddy doesn’t even pick you up from school. I do! This is—” but I interjected again, speaking directly to Lucas. “That’s fine, buddy. I’m happy to either cover up when I pick you up from school or have Dada do it after I start really showing. Okay? Anything else?” I wanted to really hear him through this process, because so little is really in kids’ control, and feeling powerless is its own kind of hurt.
“Hailey!” I tried to mimic the same tone I had directed at Lucas, adding a little silliness to the conversation. “You may tell your friends however you like. You maytell Lucas’s friends, or try to make him feel bad about wanting to keep parts of his life private. He has a right to do that. Good?” I raised my eyebrows and held my thumb up, and she giggled and put her thumb up in response.
Hailey and Lucas both recognized that this would be a unique situation in their school community. None of their school friends’ parents were transgender; there weren’t any other gay dads at their school either. But we were fairly certain they wouldn’t experience any trouble from their peers once everyone found out.“Today for show and tell, I brought in this! It looks blurry a little bit, that’s because it is, but it is called an ‘.
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