'The 'invisible load' I’ve been carrying is a bit lighter now.'
. And, of course, much more depending on the day, child, and season we're in. But I figured it was all part of momming, which I'd signed up for times five.
, I didn't think a documentary would spark conversation — and change — in our relationship of over a decade. But it did.Author Eve Rodsky started collecting data on families in 2011, using the metaphor of holding a deck of cards. Each partner in a family has these cards, which represent obligations and make up the mental load of parent and family life. She gives an example of Ed, a hardworking dad in a patriarchal, traditional relationship.
In an interview, Rodsky explains to me that the workplace structure never changed, even as families became more co-parenting friendly and moms more often work than they did 50 years ago. "The culprit is that we've never redesigned workplaces except for the same exact structure of one person being in the workplace and one person handling everything else offscreen. That's how workplaces were designed," she says.
Yet, many obstacles often prevent one partner from fully splitting time off equally, as my husband and I found out. For one, he may have up to 10 meetings in a day, whereas I might have around three. He has a boss, while I'm my own boss. All this adds up to an equation where it becomes "easier" for me to rearrange the day — until, that is, we look at the cohesive picture and how much more I'm affected.
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