Experts share their best advice on why, when and how to talk to kids about their autism diagnosis.
because the A-word is bound to come up, he adds. “You don’t want someone else to spill the beans before you’ve had the opportunity to describe it yourself,” he says, adding that it’s unfair for parents to withhold information about their child from them when they reach a certain age, and their child may feel betrayed if they do so.
“We want children to have a voice, and the only way they really can have a voice is if they understand who they are.”When to tell your child they have autism depends on their age, cognitive ability and social awareness, as well as your readiness to have the conversation, says Arnold. “There’s no right age. It depends on the child and the family,” she says, adding that it’s not a one-time conversation but an ongoing process.
If you’re still struggling to start the conversation after a couple of months, consider speaking with a health professional about their feelings. “In most jurisdictions, the parent is the one who’s going to take the lead in doing a lot of the therapy, so they have to get help with it, move on and turn that distress into something more constructive,” says Price.
Some kids will have these thoughts but not express them, so it’s important to check in with other people involved in your child’s care to see if they’ve noticed any changes.If your child is diagnosed young, say as a toddler or preschooler, the experts recommend integrating autism into everyday conversation right from the start.
Price recommends using autism to describe some of your child’s behaviours. For instance, “When it’s hard for you to stop playing that game, that’s because of your autism. Sometimes people who have autism have really strong interests.”Price recommends having the conversation when your kid is calm and happy and things are going well. “I wouldn’t pull out the autism term when they’re having a tantrum,” he says. “You don’t want it to have a negative connotation.
Price recommends following up on that approach by explaining what autism is by drawing on the diagnostic criteria. For instance, if you’re talking about a social challenge your child has, he suggests saying something along the lines of, “Autism is difficulties with social communication like eye contact and conversation. Do you think you have difficulties with those things?”
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