.NBCNewsBETTER: Addressing conflict with a friend can feel aggressive or uncomfortable. Here’s how to do it in a constructive way.
Without fully talking through what words we’re going to use, we risk saying too much or saying hurtful things., first suggests setting up the conversation with language like,"Can we talk about something?" Or, “I’d like for us to talk later today” to set the stage for an intentional discussion. Then, Dr. Montfort suggests using"I messages" and neutral language such as"I felt hurt when you..." as opposed to"You hurt me when you...
“Be sure to also stick to the facts. Avoid making assumptions or judgments about the other person's intentions or reasons for their behavior. Work on describing exactly what happened, and describing your reactions to it, as these are the only things that you can truly describe accurately,” says Montfort.
When the conversation has a lull or you want to take a break from speaking, Montfort recommends asking questions to open up the dialogue that can provide clarity for both parties. After learning these tips, I was able to step away from the mirror and sit down with my friend and explain how I was feeling. The conversation led us to a discovery thatand resentment was present. When it was over, we didn’t hug and make up, but there was a mutual understanding that we both needed to change, which is realistic in friendship, yet hardly spoken about. Two people being there for each other requires adapting, shifting, and beyond anything else, understanding.
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