“I really felt confident in who I was as a man after I came out.” –greysonchance
. We talked about reimagining coming out as a masculine rite-of-passage, and how trans people got him to think more deeply about gender identity.Probably when I came out to my friends and family. I think I was 16. It felt like I had seen older adult males in my life, like my dad and my grandpa and my older brother, go through consequential moments where they had to be a bit more courageous than they are in their day-to-day, and that felt like stepping into manhood.
TPM: What questions did you have about gender, especially masculinity, as a young person? And how did you find the answers to those questions?I think I had been taught that if I liked boys, that was emasculating. My biggest question was, why did I feel a certain way towards people that are like me, and why does that affect my masculinity? I didn’t understand.
TPM: As I'm sure you know, not being "girly or gay" is one of the main ways we as a culture define manhood for boys. Were you called gay before you came out? Did you ever call anyone else gay as an insult?I was born and raised in Oklahoma but in a pretty affluent suburb outside of Oklahoma City.
You’re constantly taught that you have to be tough, you have be unbreakable. What about protective masculinity? What about pulling your friend aside and saying, "Hey, are you good? Are you okay?" To me, that's what makes a good man: Someone who is willing to throw a fist at the bar when they need to, but maybe not as the first reaction. I think it's just about redefining terms like “tough” and “strong.
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