'It’s not just that being single suddenly feels alienating in your 30s. It’s also that dating itself becomes more difficult.'
—except me. I’m starting to realize how different—and freakish—being single feels in your 30s. And it doesn’t help that our 30s is also the decade where we spend so much of our time and money celebrating other people’s coupledom. Because, of course I want to spend Labor Day weekend manually inflating a 6-foot blow-up penis, drinking a month’s rent worth of rosé, and pretending to be happy for Karen.
Essentially, we are far more discriminating in our 30s than we were in our 20s, which is both a blessing and a curse. We know more about what we want and what we won’t tolerate—but to a point where almost no one is good enough. I find myself having thoughts like, “I could never date him, he wears V-necks.” Or, “He was nice, but he sleeps in a mezzanine bed.
While Steve acknowledges that this whole life thing is unquestionably harder for women, he says that guys also suffer through the 30s single shift. “In your 30s, everything becomes more segregated,” he mused. “Couples hang out with other couples. People with babies hang out with other people with babies.
. The book is an account of Gottlieb’s experience as a single woman approaching her 40s. Gottlieb argues that compromises are essential components of relationships—both when we’re in them and when we’re navigating the dating world. We’ll never get everything we want, she suggests, so if having a family is important to you, at a certain point you just have to pick someone and procreate.
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