MyTwoCents: 'My biggest problem is that he seems to expect me to just nod my head when he says what I can and can’t do with my money.'
My husband and I have always had different takes on money, but it’s come to a breaking point lately. He grew up wealthy, but is very practical and budget-minded. I grew up middle-class, but have always liked beautiful things when I can afford them.
My biggest problem is that he seems to expect me to just nod my head when he says what I can and can’t do with my money. He also keeps discussing everything he is doing for me as a “favor,” and brings up the fact that he has lent me money in the past. How can we stop arguing? How can I get him to support my decisions more? I would like to think that I would support him in a career transition, and I wish he would do the same for me.
The thing is, you are both right. Your husband’s point — that you need a financial plan before you quit your stable job and dive into the amorphous world of book-writing and podcast-making — is valid. But you are also correct that he shouldn’t be bossing you around or giving ultimatums about your expenses. “Part of the problem is that you need a clear communication strategy for this launch,” says Nick Holeman, the head of financial planning for Betterment, a financial-advisory firm.
You might also consider tracking your expenses on a more granular level and sharing them with each other, at least for a few weeks as an experiment . “Having more concrete numbers could alleviate some of your husband’s stress,” says Mark Reyes, a certified financial planner for Albert, a financial-services company. You mentioned that your husband doesn’t seem aware of what you spend on your home and social life as a couple — more transparency could change that.
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