Setting the record straight on what polyamory actually is
Until six months ago, 28-year-old Maryëva Pelletier didn’t look very favourably on polyamorous relationships. “I had a false impression that polyamorous people are having orgies and aren’t loyal,” she says. “I always thought that a relationship was supposed to be monogamous.”
The closed nature of the relationship—meaning they don’t see others outside of the three of them—made the transition easier for Pelletier. “It feels right, now that I’m in a triad with these two wonderful people,” she says. “Maybe that’s why all my past relationships messed up in the end. I don’t think we’re meant to be only monogamous.”
But it’s important to understand what polyamory is—and isn’t. Polyamory is very different than polygamy, which is the practice of having more than one spouse at the same time, typically a wife, and is usually rooted in religious beliefs. Different still, is an open relationship, which is one that is not sexually monogamous, but is often more about the freedom to have different casual, sexual partners outside a relationship.
With several relationships at once, Partridge says being open and honest with her partners is vital. “I’m a pretty good communicator—I really try to be,” she says. “But it’s not always easy finding partners that are also very good at it.” “It wasn’t like I said, ‘I’m going to do polyamory,’ it was more like, ‘I want to have freedom in my life, and I want to have relationships that are really honest,’” says McMillen. “In retrospect, I can see that there were parts of myself that got lost [in my previous long-term, monogamous relationship] and I didn’t want to lose those anymore.”
Another thing McMillen and Taylor says people are intrigued by? The sexual aspects of poly relationships. “I think there’s a misconception that if you’re with one partner, that’s commitment and anything else means you’re not committed,” says Taylor. “What I see [in poly relationships] are people who are interested in real communication and sharing more of their hearts with each other,” adds McMillen. “Not necessarily more of their genitalia.
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