DearPrudie: It is one of the most horrifyingly racist images I've ever, ever seen. Help!
Q. This was the ’90s!
My dad’s family is full of racist, homophobic, xenophobic, conservative bigots, all to varying degrees. I have always known this to be true. I have challenged the worst of their comments and walked away or refused to engage. I’ve rationalized it by saying they’re old, from another time, live in a very rural area, are poisoned by Fox News, etc., and since they live far away and we don’t see each other that often, I can compartmentalize.
My sister recently visited them and went through some family photos. She uncovered one of the most horrifyingly racist images I’ve ever, ever seen—and I am in it. I am actually the subject of the photo, which was taken at a family event when I was perhaps 4 years old. We were playing a “game” and the adults were wearing “costumes” as a “joke.”
She sent me a picture of this page in my grandma’s scrapbook and I had a breakdown. I started crying, I almost had a panic attack—the idea that the adults in my life set up this event, and allowed and encouraged me to participate in it, makes me sick to my stomach. I don’t know what to do. My sister feels like she can shrug it off as a “Yikes/whoopsie,” but there were handmade props that probably took days to build and design… this was very pretty meditated.
I don’t want to talk to any of them, I am so upset. I think I’ll just shout and cry if I try to have a conversation about this. I can’t talk to anyone about it because I am so embarrassed and ashamed to have downplayed what is clearly violent hatred and bigotry for so long. I want to know whose idea it was, who is wearing the costumes, what degree of involvement my immediate family had, etc. But at the same time, does it even matter? They were obviously complicit in this horrible thing.
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