THE HEAVENS—With smoke and the acrid smell of charred cherubim filling the skies, celestial sources confirmed Wednesday that the Lord God Almighty accidentally burned down heaven this morning when His malfunctioning curling iron started an electrical fire. “I was just putting some nice, loose beach waves in My hair…
THE HEAVENS—With smoke and the acrid smell of charred cherubim filling the skies, celestial sources confirmed Wednesday that the Lord God Almighty accidentally burned down heaven this morning when His malfunctioning curling iron started an electrical fire.
“I was just putting some nice, loose beach waves in My hair when that piece of shit started sparking, and before I knew it, the towels, the curtains, and the entire Promised Land went up in flames,” said God, whose hair was only half-curled, adding that He was tempted to smite the manufacturers of the cheap curling iron He bought from Shein. “It was so embarrassing when the firefighters showed up, and there I was standing outside the Pearly Gates like an idiot in my bathrobe.
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