‘Five Nights at Freddy’s’ Is Worth About Five Minutes of Your Time

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‘Five Nights at Freddy’s’ Is Worth About Five Minutes of Your Time
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‘Five Nights at Freddy’s,’ the film adaptation of a popular video game franchise, imagines a haunted Chuck E. Cheese — with few laughs or scares.

put a fresh coat of paint on the old killer-robot movie, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be done. Successful spins on the genre have included time-traveling assassination attempts . It seems that if we’re going to watch bots go bad, we want to have some bigger ideas to chew on while we do., this year’s bot-based Halloween offering from Blumhouse Productions, has plenty to chew on — maybe too much.

Only toward the finale, when a terrified Abby hides from the bots by submerging herself in a ball pit, is there a brief reminder of how the abandoned playplace might have been used to the fullest. Slowly, a tedious lore begins to knit together, thanks to the visitation of Vanessa , a cop who patrols the neighborhood and knows about Freddy’s reputation for frightening off its night watchmen. Once she lets slip that the venue closed down because of a slew of kidnappings in the 1980s, Mike, who regularly sleeps on the job in his continued investigation as dream detective, intuits that the haunting and his brother’s case may be connected — and that Vanessa knows more than she’ll admit.

By then, of course, we’ve already been treated to a few more murders; the bots are far more efficient when it comes to eliminating low-level crooks who break in during the daytime as part of a convoluted scheme by Mike’s aunt to cost him his employment and therefore the custody battle over Abby. Yet this sequence — like the rest of the film — is played maddeningly straight, sparing us any jokes or jumps.

Maybe that tack is more engaging for the puzzle-box survival games that spawned this adaptation. And maybe the novelty of pizza franchise mascots run amok will satisfy less demanding viewers. As a narrative that pretends to plumb the dark absence of missing children, however,is curiously inert, unwilling to get under your skin even as it grows dense with explanations of what’s happening.

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