Women with ADHD wear masks. We put on a smile and say everything’s fine when we’re screaming on the inside. Hiding our true selves is exhausting, but we often feel like we don’t have a choice.
For far too many women with ADHD, day-to-day life is a perpetual source of shame. We’re ashamed that we’re always late, ashamed that we can’t keep our houses clean, ashamed that the people around us seem to have everything figured out . Mixed in with that shame is often fear — we’re afraid that another screw-up or attention deficit disorder snafu will cause our carefully cultivated facade to unravel.
Since childhood, we’ve heard criticisms and felt judged by the people in our lives. Unlike boys, who are often socialized to deflect criticism onto other people , girls with ADHD tend to internalize criticism. We assume we’re at fault for every bad thing that happens to or around us. Next time you make a mistake, listen to your thoughts. If you catch yourself thinking, “I’m so dumb” or “I can’t do anything right,” push back. Remind yourself that, regardless of the end result, you did the best you could under the circumstances. Identify a lesson learned that could help you avoid future mistakes. Then, make an effort to dismiss the negative thought.
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