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Fake orgasms have long been a heated topic, one guaranteed to spark a passionate discussion about the problems caused by women who exaggerate or outright lie about the pleasure they’re experiencing in bed. In 2013, The Cut put togetheroffering their opinions on fake orgasms, and though these experts differed in the details, pretty much everyone agreed that fake orgasms create problems for all involved.
But after spending several years investigating the numerous reasons why women lie about sex for my book,, I’m not so convinced that fake orgasms are as bad as everyone says. Yes, there are some women who fake them solely to please their partners, and who wind up sacrificing their own pleasure in the process. But for many, ersatz orgasms are a shield against a much larger problem: our cultural conviction that sex is supposed to look one very specific way.
If orgasms are an unskippable aspect of your own sexual pleasure, it may come as a shock to find out that not everyone else needs or wants one. For some women, orgasms—while possible to achieve—require a very specific and complicated routine to access, one they’re not always interested in going through to completion. For others, orgasms can be utterly overwhelming and exhausting, making them incompatible with an afternoon quickie or early morning bang.
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