'The complex resentment leaderboard I’ve been tabulating in my mind makes less sense as a hierarchy for me lately. It’s come to feel instead like a dense web, a rich tapestry of resentment knitting us all together.'
Photo: Ghislain & Marie David de Lossy/Getty Images A few weeks ago my 4-year-old son accidentally dropped a large board book on my face. He cried, I cried, and once the situation was as settled as it was going to get, I grasped my phone for something familiar to comfort me. Ah, yes: the Instagram Stories of the influencer family who had absconded from an 8,000-square-foot home in the suburbs to their comparably sized lodge in the mountains.
Still, the grind of working from home full-time while our young children’s schools are shuttered has ground my husband and me into dust. Our home looks tornado-ravaged by 9 a.m., the dishes self-multiply, the emails never cease, and the next day we get up and do the whole thing again. This marks the first era of my life where “collapsing into bed” is not just a colorful expression.
Yes, I might only have access to the parts of their lives cropped for social media, but that doesn’t stop me from cozying up to my bad vibes. If our resentments are a mirror held up to our desires, what I see myself valuing is somewhat unrecognizable these days. I used to think of gardening as homework you assign to yourself, and now I know that soon, I will deeply resent anyone boasting about homegrown produce. Yesterday, I was overcome with gratitude when my husband came home with two gallons of whole milk; the previous week, the store had only skim.
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