A classic for VDay: Dingy Aphrodisiac: An Intrepid Couple Explores the Romantic Highs of Dallas’ Lowest Motels.
We call it moteling: the fetish of identifying and frequenting the cheapest, filthiest and most dangerous motels for a thrill.
Motels also bring me back to the cruelest time in my life. When I was 17 my teenage boyfriend kicked me out of our shared apartment and dropped me off at a hotel in Plano, where my sister was staying with her two children. As I left his car with my one pathetic suitcase full of nothing but notebooks, he said, “I actually mean this, good luck.”
I’m a middle child of middle looks and middle intelligence, and middle-of-the-road political views. I know from personal experience that nothing lacks more charm than mediocrity. I can’t think of anything more boring than staying at La Quinta, with its 3-star comfort and modesty. So I reach back to the frightful days of my teens to revel in masochistic nostalgia, except this time I get to return as a victorious outsider.
We look for a motel in our neighborhood because we know it must have less to offer, and want to stay as close to the whorehouses as possible. I had suggested going to South Dallas, and he responded with an unequivocal “fuck no.” Too dangerous, he says. So instead we choose establishments closer to our home.
You know a motel is worthless when the biggest selling point advertised is the fact that they have internet access, like we’ve traveled in time to the mid-’90s. He says there are a lot of people there on drugs and that he sees the same people come in and out of his store. “They live there for years, or longer than that,” he says, giving no explanation as to what he means by longer than years. Decades? Centuries? He ultimately suggests that I go stay at a better motel located one block down.The Cole Manor was built in 1946, and offers an idealized lavish life, if you’re destitute. The rooms are the size of a walk-in closet.
A private room is only $30, but looking around, you know you get what you pay for. My boyfriend’s face betrays the disappointment of not getting to upgrade his visuals. He seizes the momentum by trying to persuade me to go to a higher-end club, perhaps somewhere where bodies don’t look like blobs falling out of their contours, shifting before your eyes with every sad move on the pole, like they’re made of quicksand.
The Como has been a landmark since it was built in 1964, though in Richardson that isn’t saying much. We’ve landed there guided by many a reverse recommendation. My boyfriend has a cold, and it’s freezing outside, but we’re most disappointed to find the room too decent.
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