Dear Life Kit: My partner is constantly texting his former coworker and even spent the night at her house. He says they're just friends, but I don't like it. How can I trust him when he ignores my boundaries?
Photograph by Fernando Landin; Collage by NPR
How he responds to this [confrontation] will be telling about the [state of the] relationship. If he says something like, And red flag No. 3 is that he gaslit her into thinking that his behavior was her fault. He essentially said,"If only you trusted me, I wouldn't have had to lie to you or [feel bad about] spending the night. You're making me act this way." Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse. It's hard to build a loving foundation when there is this kind of behavior in a relationship.Couples need to talk early and often about what kind of relationship structure makes sense for them.
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