If I can’t rely on day care so that I can get my work done, I feel like I’m destined to take on the lion’s share of the parenting.
I have a 2 ½–year-old and a 1-year-old. This year, we’re spending Christmas at my in-laws for the first time, which is lovely as both my kids adore their grandparents. The problem is that my mother-in-law refuses to tell me what she plans to get them for Christmas.
If your mother-in-law still maintains that it’s her right to surprise her grandkids with whatever she wants, you’ll have little choice but to repossess any forbidden gifts. I wouldn’t worry about this making you the bad guy; your kids are young enough that they’re easily fooled. And maybe this will show your mother-in-law that you’re serious about raising your children according to your rules.
I’m a neat and organized person, and I’ve learned to not change plans whenever possible . I’ve also learned to take it less personally when he does get upset over minor things, as I know it’s usually more about other things going on in his life than about the specific thing I did. As an adult with 10 years of history with my husband, I was able to shrug it off, but my daughter got upset. She kept apologizing to him, near tears, at which point I told her she didn’t do anything wrong, daddy was just in a bad mood, let’s not let him ruin our fun. And then my husband got mad at me for dismissing his concerns and undermining him in front of our daughter. He later apologized to both of us, but my daughter was visibly anxious about the whole thing.
I think you’ve spent a decade becoming inured to your husband’s behavior, and it’s only in seeing it through your children’s eyes that you realize there’s a problem here. Someone who might fly off the handle at being served pasta instead of chicken is someone who is not healthy. Your husband needs help; you both do, and no advice columnist can provide that. I highly recommend you talk to him and then, together, talk to a therapist.
Unfortunately, he’s at the age where these clubs get serious. And my son wants to sign up for baseball next spring. Here’s the thing: I have friends with children in these clubs, and they hate it . It’s a major time commitment , requires travel , and it’s not cheap.
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