I know I may regret it one day, but I don’t have the energy for all her daily calls, which are basically her asking me 50 questions.
I don’t talk to my own grown children on a daily basis like she calls me. I have reached the point that I dread it and at times ignore her calls.
I have encouraged her to branch out -- hang out with other widows, meet new friends or join groups, but because of COVID she’s hesitant. I don’t want to be ugly to her, but the more she does this, the more anxious I get. I have also asked her to just text me so I can respond when I’m available, but she says she just doesn’t think about that as an option.
She’s a very sweet woman, but she is stressing me out! Is it me or her? Please help me so I don’t ruin this relationship. As an only child, am I being selfish?It isn’t you, it’s her. Your mother is doing this because she feels lonely, anxious and vulnerable and may have forgotten how to socialize as an individual without your father. The COVID restrictions added to the problem because people were discouraged from hanging out in groups.
After three years, it is not selfish to create boundaries with her. Tell her you will speak to her once a day. Then screen your calls and talk with your mom when you aren’t stressed and have a few minutes to spend in conversation.My husband and I have visits from family several times a year. I don’t cook, at least not a lot -- just simple meals for my husband and me. We are 72 and 69.
It feels to me more like a “look what I’m doing” than casual conversation. Cooking, growing, etc. don’t impress me because I have been there, moved on and am no longer interested in the achievement. How do I deal with these people?You are under no obligation to alter the way you cook to suit these visitors. When your relatives start cooking and “lecturing” about nutrition and gardening, consider changing the subject. Or, pop in some earbuds and listen to your favorite podcast or music.
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