Dear Abby gives advice to a family torn over tense family holidays and a woman who doesn’t want to third wheel during her kids’ playdates.
My “Uncle Fred” is rude and obnoxious whenever we’re in his presence. He talks down to not only me, but everyone around him. Holidays are unbearable as he creates constant tension, leaving all guests less than enthused. He also drinks too much at parties, which leads to obscenities and poor decision-making.
It would be very easy to just stop being in his presence if not for my darling “Auntie June,” who is kind to us all and always insists on hosting her family for holidays. Even after numerous attempts by family members who have all voiced their displeasure with Uncle Fred, Auntie June seems to be helpless in dealing with his unruly behavior.
How do we move forward without hurting our dear sweet auntie by telling her we no longer wish to spend holidays together? —You have suffered enough. A way to deal with it would be to put it “a tad” less bluntly. Say, “Auntie, we love you, which is why we have tolerated Uncle Fred’s drinking and rude behavior as long as we have. But we have reached our limit.
When I invite a woman and her kids to my home, I end up having her husband show up at my door, too. I feel like I’m entertaining their whole family instead of just a simple playdate. Would it be appropriate to tell these moms to leave their husbands at home during our playdates? If so, how do I go about this politely? —There is a difference between a family playdate and a mom’s playdate.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at
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