Dad got along with everyone. So I’m left with the conclusion that either no one cared, or were afraid to see someone with Alzheimer’s.
DEAR ABBY: Is it normal for people to ignore relatives who have Alzheimer’s? My father spent more than two years in a veterans’ hospital before his death. During that time, he was visited regularly by his children and my aunt . His grandchildren and another aunt visited a few times. Two of my uncles saw him once.
There are no conflicts going on in my extended family. Dad got along with everyone and never spoke ill about anyone. So I’m left with the conclusion that either no one cared, or they were for some reason afraid to see someone with Alzheimer’s. Maybe the thinking was that Dad wouldn’t remember the visit, so why bother? None of those alternatives are comforting, and I’m finding it hard to think of most of my relatives the way I used to.
DEAR DISAPPOINTED: Unfortunately, your situation is not uncommon. Many people struggle with what to say and do when a family member is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease or another dementia. Efforts to be supportive can be dampened by not knowing how to engage with someone as Alzheimer’s progresses, which can lead some individuals to distance themselves completely. This only adds to the sadness and isolation families may experience.
Invite them to stay connected with your family member. Offer to answer their questions and even provide suggestions on how they might be supportive. If they want to visit, let them know in advance what they may expect, and offer suggestions on how they can communicate with the person and what activities might offer an opportunity to connect.
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