Dear Abby advises a woman whose boyfriend is addicted to booze and drugs and a married queer woman who longs to be with. straight woman.
I’m having a big problem with my boyfriend. We had a baby five months ago, and since then he has changed drastically. He previously had a problem with addiction, but had a handle on it. He told me the baby was powerful motivation. My pregnancy was blissful, and he was attentive and caring.I know babies are stressful, and ours had colic, so we had many nights filled with screaming. I do most of the work with the baby. I quit my job to be a stay-at-home mom and nurse him.
When I try to tell him how I feel, he gets defensive. He accuses me of “trying to start problems.” He also lies about his addictions. I only recently found out about some of his lies, and now I’m having a hard time believing anything he says. This is not how I wanted my life to be. This is not what I wanted for our baby. I’m trying to decide whether it’s better to put up with it or leave. I’d have to get a job and find child care.
The problem is, Gwen is heterosexual. She has said, partly in jest, that it’s “oppressive” that she’s straight. Without going into too much detail, she has had a bad time with past relationships and is presently single. I am bound and determined to nip this crush in the bud. I feel telling Gwen about it would be unethical. I know for certain that she’s straight, but my brain refuses to shake this “feeling.” I’m terrified that it will ruin our friendship. What do I do? —Do the same thing that other mature married people do. Step back from something that could threaten not only your relationship with Gwen but also your marriage.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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