Dear Abby advises a woman whose boyfriend won’t commit and weighs in on a question of wedding gift etiquette.
I’m in love with a man I met online. We have been together three years, and I want us to start talking about our future. He has never been married, but he has been in long-term relationships before.
When would be a good time to discuss this with my boyfriend? How would I approach this discussion? Is there anything else we could do like have a commitment ceremony? He’s afraid of being hurt, which is understandable. His ex used him and led him on for eight years. She would say she loved him but never spent any time with him. She’d also go on trips with other men and wouldn’t invite him. I feel horrible that he was treated that way.
I have asked him to marry me twice. I’m having plastic surgery next month, and I told him that when I’m healed I am going to ask him once more. I’m excited but scared at the same time because I’m afraid he’s going to let his fear get the best of him. How can I put his mind at ease? He’s amazing. He has turned my entire life around, and he’s the one I want to spend my life with. He truly is my one and only. —This man’s previous girlfriend may have led him on for eight years, but he allowed it.
Well, I have heard nothing more about the gift, especially the quilt! I don’t think the young man ever opened the basket. I did mention something to the wife once about what was inside the basket, and her expression was blank. It has been over a year. Should I forget about it or be bold and ask? —Be bold and ask. If the wife looked blank, it was probably because she knew nothing about the gift your husband had told her husband was for “him” instead of for “them.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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