I feel constantly indebted to her because I can never seem to return the favor.
When I insist on paying for myself, we argue and bicker. Sandy says she wants to show her appreciation for my partnership at work. She also explains that I have children whereas she is childless. She justifies it by rationalizing that her husband makes an impressive salary. They are comfortable, but not extravagantly wealthy.
Lately, I have come to resent the situation because I don’t want to feel like a charity case. Not only am I more than able to pay for myself, I also don’t want to feel limited when ordering food. Knowing she’s going to foot the bill makes me reluctant to order the food or beverage of my choosing. How do I approach this without tarnishing our professional work relationship and the friendship we have built? Is this the altruism of a selfless person and my ego getting in the way? Or is there a deeper motive I haven’t considered?I am going to assume that you have already communicated to Sandy that this dynamic makes you uncomfortable, and why. If you haven’t, do it now. She may be the soul of generosity, but some people use money as a means to control or dominate others.
The problem is telling his children and grandchildren. He and Helen were married 59 years but didn’t have a happy marriage for the last 23. Should we tell them or continue keeping it a secret?Although you have no reason to be sneaking around, in my opinion you should stay quiet for another few months -- until it has been a year since Helen’s passing. At that point, Wayne should tell the niece and other relatives that he thinks you have a lot in common and you are going to see each other.
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