Daily News | Dear Abby | First wife has second thoughts on polygamy
My husband and I are in our 40s. Last year, we decided to make a very big change in our lives. We decided to seek out a second wife for my husband. I was completely on board with it at first. He reached out to a woman he knew years ago and asked if she would consider joining our family. However, I started getting this feeling that she wasn’t the right woman to bring into our family. She ignored many of my in-depth questions about why she wanted to live this type of life.
I have expressed to my husband that I no longer want her in my life and it has reached the point that I no longer want to live a plural lifestyle. I felt bad that I’m the one who changed my mind, so I agreed to allow them to continue a relationship — as long as they keep me out of it, and he keeps her out of my home and my life.
I don’t understand how he can continue living this way, living two separate lives and be OK with it. We’ve been together more than 20 years and I don’t want to leave, but how can I continue loving a man with my whole heart and soul when he only loves me with part of his?Relationships such as you describe can work out when all three of the parties involved feel they are equally valued.
My mom has me seeing a therapist, and she helps me to feel better, but it’s still hard knowing my sister is having such a hard time. I have never dealt with anything this hard in my life. I wish I could just not have to always think about how sad I am. I really want everything to be normal. Can you tell me ways to not get so upset about everything that’s going on?I’m glad you are seeing a therapist you can talk to about your sadness and worry.
I do have a suggestion that might help you in addition to your therapy. Participate in sports activities and hobbies that keep your mind occupied. If you keep yourself busy, you will have less time to dwell on your sadness and worry. And please, write me again in a couple of months and let me know how you are doing, because I’m hopeful you will be feeling better than you do right now.
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