I refuse to divide them because he wanted to be buried with me, and I want to abide by his wishes.
For almost a year, I took care of my father-in-law, who has dementia, without any of the seven remaining children helping. I have since cut ties with all of them. They are toxic, and I know why my husband kept me away from them.
Should I feel guilty for not sharing his remains, or feel good for carrying out his last wishes? The family says we should be working “together,” but I never even met some of them until he had passed away. They think we should be family since he was their brother. I disagree. -- MOVING FORWARD IN INDIANA
DEAR MOVING FORWARD: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your husband. The time for you all to have “been family” was long before his death. His sister appears to have mental problems, so resenting her for her and her daughters’ attire at the funeral is a waste of your energy. As the widow, your husband’s remains belong solely to you, and you are legally entitled to carry out his wishes. However, if his relatives are as toxic as you describe, you may need the help of an attorney to enforce them.
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