'My children’s father died by suicide, and I don’t know how to console them. Or whether it’s my place,' writes Leslie Lehr
, exploring the challenge of women today in navigating a new path between sexy and sacred. She is the Novel Consultant for Truby's Writers Studio, a judge for the WFWA debut novel contest, and a member of PEN, the Authors Guild, WGA, Women In Film, the ACLU, and The Women’s Leadership Council of LAhate Father’s Day. Not because my father died this year, making it the first without him. It was sudden, but we’d exchanged loving New Year’s greetings 10 days earlier.
and depression. In addition to physical ailments, he had self-medicated for years. Since our divorce, he had leaned far too hard on one daughter and frightened the other away. His intermittent texts to me alternated between affection and fury. He was not a happy man. But he loved his children. I know he did.The first night at my house, we hung out and hugged a lot. It was too soon to look at old scrapbooks, so we took quizzes to determine our houses at Hogwarts.
He travelled a lot for his work in the film business. I’d played single mom, acting both parental parts, for much of their lives. But even after he moved out, he was there somewhere. There was always a chance for reconnection. There was always a chance for more. Months later, he was in my dreams more than ever. I felt his presence—the handsome man I fell for, not the angry voice on my phone. I don’t want to judge anyone based on their worst behavior. Nor do I want his children to only remember his dark side. But if I only shared photos of the good times, would they miss him more? Would I cause them more pain?
Since I hadn’t invited my husband into a parenting role during the years we dated, it was awkward. Was it too late? He called them and it was friendly. But not fatherly. I wondered if we should keep trying.
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