Clare Sestanovich on Keeping a Diary

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Clare Sestanovich on Keeping a Diary
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“If style is something that ‘you cannot write without,’ something fundamental and inextricable, might it also express your truest voice?” csestanovich says, while discussing her short story in this week’s issue.

,” your story in this week’s issue of the magazine, Gilly, who’s twelve years old, starts keeping a diary. She finds her life uneventful, so she makes up stories about conflict between her parents, who have a very peaceful relationship.

Seen most generously, affectation is an attempt at what we might call style. As a character in one of Elizabeth Bowen’s novels says about diarists, “Style is the thing that’s always a bit phony, and at the same time you cannot write without style. . . . a diary, after all, is written to please oneself—therefore it’s bound to be enormously written up.” “Different People” is interested in what Bowen describes as phoniness: Gilly takes dissembling style to the next level—outright deceit.

Your question about the audience of a diary has me wondering about the audience of a marriage. In both cases, what’s at stake is a manufactured narrative—made up of intensely private experiences yet profoundly shaped by public convention and perception. Much of this story is about the audience experience: Gilly is almost surely the closest observer of her parents’ relationship. But, as a result, the story is also about the experience of being observed.

One of the classics, I think: the unknown! According to Gilly, among the greatest “injustices of being a child” is that her parents have known her for her entire life but she has witnessed only a fraction of theirs. Unjust, destabilizing, but—pretty intriguing! If we’re all both attracted and repelled by what we don’t know about other people, maybe it’s because of the way this mirrors what we don’t and can’t know about ourselves.

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