Three sets of former friends on how their friendships started and why they ultimately ended things
I met Justine in junior high. I wouldn’t say we were friends at that time — I wasn’t nice to a lot of people. She was bullied a lot, and a lot of people weren’t very nice to her, including myself. Come high school, we were in classes together — marching band, regular band, and our regular school classes. I recall being much nicer to her as I got older.
We went off to different colleges and had very different college experiences. She partied quite a bit. I did not party quite as much. We ended up on very different paths in our careers. I lived abroad a lot and didn’t live in California anymore, but she stayed in California the entire time. I don’t think she’s lived anywhere else. After college, when we really grew up, we both put what had happened in middle school and high school behind us and really saw each other as peers.
There was already kind of a separation between us by the time COVID-19 happened, but we were still keeping up with each other through social media. When I saw that she was out celebrating St. Patrick’s Day, once things had really shut down, I was like, What the fuck is she doing? And I think I confronted her about it. That’s kind of when the friendship ended. I think she yelled at me through a DM because I was confronting her about it.
I was discovering my sexuality and coming out to myself — being closeted in an environment where it wasn’t safe to be gay — so I had to hide who I was. Being accepted into Lisa’s group in a small way was really meaningful and supportive and helpful to me. Losing that made me feel totally devastated, and I had to find new friends.
Now, I would maybe have a conversation with her, but there’s nothing to build a friendship on. I just realized recently how much of this I’m still carrying around.I try to always have openness in my life to reconnect or disconnect if that’s the best path forward. Some choices are forever, but relationships can ebb and flow.The pain is valid, and it’s okay to grieve that loss. But if someone can’t be there for me, I’d rather not have them.
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