WISCONSIN DELLS, WI—In an annual ritual as regular as the arrival of summer itself, the nation's waterslide tunnels were purged Monday of all the bats inhabiting them. "Go on, scram," the nation's broom-wielding water-park employees said to the bats, which took up residence in the dim fiberglass tubes shortly after Labor Day last year. "Go make your nest somewhere else! It's summertime. There are all kinds of kids who are gonna want to cool down, splash around, and enjoy themselves. So beat it!" Following the successful evacuation of the bats, the water parks' junior employees were sent into the bathrooms to clear out all the daddy longlegs and porcupines that had wintered there.
WISCONSIN DELLS, WI—In an annual ritual as regular as the arrival of summer itself, the nation's waterslide tunnels were purged Monday of all the bats inhabiting them. "Go on, scram," the nation's broom-wielding water-park employees said to the bats, which took up residence in the dim fiberglass tubes shortly after Labor Day last year.
"Go make your nest somewhere else! It's summertime. There are all kinds of kids who are gonna want to cool down, splash around, and enjoy themselves. So beat it!" Following the successful evacuation of the bats, the water parks' junior employees were sent into the bathrooms to clear out all the daddy longlegs and porcupines that had wintered there.
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Minor-League Baseball Player Has No Idea Which Team's Farm System He's In AnymoreBURLINGTON, VT—Utterly disoriented after changing minor-league teams and cities several times in the past year, Vermont Lake Monsters pitcher Shane McCatty told reporters Saturday that he no longer had any idea which MLB team&39;s farm system he belonged to. "I might have been a Washington Nationals prospect at one point," said McCatty, who was uncertain if he had been traded, promoted, or demoted by the major-league parent club. "Maybe they switched affiliations or something. Anyone&39;s guess is as good as mine. I&39;m almost positive [the Lake Monsters&39; parent team] isn&39;t a mammal one. And it&39;s definitely not a bird or a sock. I was thinking the Arizona Snakes, but that doesn&39;t really sound right, either." McCatty reportedly concluded that the smartest thing for him to do right now was to focus on throwing baseballs, which he remained confident was one of his responsibilities.
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Grandfather's Advice Pretty Bad For Someone Who's Lived That LongNORTH AUGUSTA, SC—According to household sources, the Sederquest family was astounded by the glut of terrible advice offered Sunday by grandfather Bill Sederquest, with several younger members marveling at the fact that someone who has been alive since 1937 could have so little wisdom to offer. "He kept telling me I didn&39;t have to be in love to get married, saying that as soon as I settled down with a woman and started having kids, I&39;d just get used to it," said 17-year-old grandson Cody, whose grandfather also told him it was important to drive everywhere, as it would show people he was able to afford a nice car and gasoline. "I know I&39;m supposed to be respectful, but I have no idea how to respond when he tells me that if a guy&39;s giving me trouble, I should punch him in the back of the head when he&39;s not looking." Family members said they were also dismayed to learn that grandmother Eileen plans to pass her awful recipes down to the next generation.
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HuffPost is now a part of Oath
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Photographs show stunning moment python swallows crocodile in AustraliaAstounding images shot in Australia show an olive python — one of thecountry&39;s largest snakes — devouring an entire crocodile in a muddy swamp
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Texting-While-Fielding Causes Record Number Of Outfield CollisionsNEW YORK—According to a new report released Saturday by Major League Baseball, a record number of outfield collisions have occurred during the 2012 season due to the rising trend of texting-while-fielding. “Unfortunately, we’ve seen over 600 incidents this year alone, which is roughly triple the number of recorded fielding crashes in 2009,” said the league’s Vice President of Baseball Operations, Joe Torre, revealing that approximately 70 percent of the outfielders in a recent survey admitted to sending texts or emails while trying to catch a pop fly within the last six months. “Texting-while-fielding is incredibly dangerous not only to yourself, but also your teammates. We know it might seem like an important message at the time, but it&39;s just not worth the risk when you&39;re chasing a line drive or sprinting for a hard grounder.” At press time, Cleveland Indians outfielder Michael Brantley was being rushed to the hospital after slamming into Ezequiel Carrera while texting “I got it” to teammates.
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