7 a.m.— Wake from a night restless with dreams of dangling in the blackness of space, high above earth’s blue sphere, tethered by a whisper-thin, carnation-colored plastic umbilicus. One hand clutched a matching pink hairbrush, and I raised it to my head only to find my skull encased by a plastic bubble, the same color as my tether and hairbrush. Inside the bubble, I screamed, but the helmet trapped the sound. In a lucid moment just before waking, I understood my cries would have mattered little even had I the means of loosing them. Space is a vacuum.\n
Wake from a night restless with dreams of dangling in the blackness of space, high above earth’s blue sphere, tethered by a whisper-thin, carnation-colored plastic umbilicus. One hand clutched a matching pink hairbrush, and I raised it to my head only to find my skull encased by a plastic bubble, the same color as my tether and hairbrush. Inside the bubble, I screamed, but the helmet trapped the sound.
“Does that mean I’m being held down or in place?” I ask Eris, revolving my silvery hula hoop around the central axis of my athleisure-shrouded hips. My tank top reads GRL PWR, as if even the vowels are uncertain.The bath puppy is playful, crouched expectantly as I strip to just the bandeau embossed where nipple-less breasts rose in previous lives and step into a frothing bath, glittery with decorative salt.
“I have nothing for you,” I tell the canine, an anonymous amalgamation of expectation. His rigid smile offers no indication that I have spoken. Have I? Perhaps my voice remains trapped in an invisible space helmet of the world’s creation. The water feels amniotic, lapping me back to my first days as a teen fashion model, even then simply a rack for others to hang their ambition. No skin comes away when I savage one calf with the body brush. There are no layers to me.
“Is self-care meant to heal blisters inflamed by our own sebum?” I ask Dionysus. “Or does it mean to draw away imperfections ground into us by the grit of the external world?” The puppy, expression now hidden beneath its lowered Venetian mask allows the question to dissolve unrecognized.
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