Bad parenting is allowing strangers’ (or family members’) condescension or ignorant advice weigh more heavily than what we know to be true about our children, their ADHD, and the healthiest way forward.
You might know how to parent a kid with ADHD. When they throw down, they often need a hug. They might need help walking away. Theybe shamed, belittled, or threatened. But even as we lead them away to de-escalate, we hear those ugly voices .But this is not your fault. This is developmentally normal behavior for a child with ADHD, and you’re doing great. Seriously.
Maybe you’ve even had relatives death-glare you when you’ve properly parented your non-neurotypical kid. You could practically hear them thinking as you hugged your kid out of a tantrum. Maybe, like me, you’ve even had them intervene: “Oh, you’re too big to act like this. Stop yelling at your mother.”
Maybe you have actually heard all that self-blame vomited back at you — from someone you care about, no less; maybe even one of those original voices you’ve worked hard to exorcise. You’ve had to say something, anything, for your kids’ sake, even something as simple as “I have a handle on this, thanks.” Then maybe you’ve felt worse afterward because, not only were you actually, vocally blamed for your child’s behavior, you didn’t stick up for them the way you wish you had.
Take some deep breaths and remind yourself: My child is experiencing emotional dysregulation. My parenting does not look like other parenting. Sometimes, you probably mess up and yell. That’s okay: all of us do because we’ve been socially conditioned to yell at children who yell at us. This is not your fault but it is something you can work on.bubbling up, and in that moment, step back. Imagine you’re someone else, someone who understands ADHD, and give yourself the same grace you’d give that parent you’re watching. Imagine what you’d say to that trying-their-best parent: Don’t give up. You’re doing a good job. It’s hard, but you’ve got this.
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