Dear Amy: I have a casual friend who won’t stop giving me excessive gifts, even after I have asked her to stop.
Is something wrong with me? I know I’m practical and frugal to a fault.I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but how do I get her to stop?You are not practical and frugal “to a fault.” Your walking partner is a boundary-leaper to a fault.
If she responds with a wink wink, nod, nod, then you should assume that she will simply never take your needs seriously or respect your wishes.My friend says that people hardly ever change. He says that we have to just accept or detach from them.Let me put it this way: I’m absolutely convinced that I can change, and yet I know that I’m unlikely to change much.
I agree with your friend that dramatic and lasting change is rare, but I take issue with the “accept or detach” idea. Acceptance is a form of detachment in its purest form, but sometimes — when change is necessary for a relationship to continue — if change doesn’t happen, disengagement is called for.“Shattered” was a woman who gained significant weight after a bad break up. Even though she had lost a large portion of it, she still couldn’t stand looking in the mirror or taking photos of herself.
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