Dear Amy: My daughter just announced her engagement to her boyfriend, “Clay.”
Yes, you should accept your daughter’s choice because she is an adult and she has the right to make terrible choices.She may need to experience the reality of living a marginal life – far from her upper-middle class privilege – in order to make a choice about it.If she continues with her graduate program and you can afford it, you might choose to pay only her school bills . If she completes each semester successfully, you can choose to pay for the next semester. This would be extremely generous.
Invite them over for dinner, include them in family events, and yes – you may be forced to face and tolerate your disappointment in your pot-using daughter and her choice in partner, but until she is forced to face her own choices and disappointments, she will never be inspired to perhaps choose differently.
I would think tapering off alcohol slowly and supervised would be better for him than stopping completely.If you are an addiction specialist, then by all means you could try to coach your friend through tapering off of alcohol and supervise his consumption. Otherwise, I believe it would be best for you to avoid alcohol completely when you are with him.
For some addicts, any contact with their drug will trigger their addiction. One drink at lunch could lead to a binge later. Some people might be able to effectively reduce and possibly manage their drinking by choosing to change their habits, but an alcoholic in the throes of addiction could not be expected to be able to do this.No-nonsense advice for better living delivered to your inbox every morning. For a limited time, sign up for the Ask Amy newsletter and get the book “Ask Amy: Essential Wisdom from America’s Favorite Advice Columnist” for $5.
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