How to overcome your outdated defenses and get what you want in life, writes DrLisaFirestone
So, what are the defenses that limit us in our lives?
As children, it feels threatening for us to see our parent as flawed, rejecting, overwhelmed, angry, or intrusive. Instead, we take on a lot of their shortcomings as our own, seeing ourselves as flawed, unlovable, overwhelming, or irritating in some way. Believing we are the problem gives us an illusion of having power in the situation, i.e.,"if only I try harder/ am better behaved, my parent will love me/treat me better.
If, for example, our goal is to find a lasting relationship, we may think we’re taking actions to meet someone who treats us with love and respect. However, we may find ourselves instead feeling drawn toward potential partners who are more elusive or unresponsive and feelingby the people who seem most interested in us.
The next step is to think about our goals. What do we need or want? What gives our life meaning? Then we can think about how we can go about achieving our goals. It is helpful to look at the small steps that would get us where we want to go. We should check in with ourselves to see if we are taking those steps.
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