'Even though she's not here, she's still a guiding light.'
must haves" and I squeeze my eyes to prevent tears from coming out so my co-workers won't see. The only thing I want is for my mom to just be here. But she's gone.
My mom passed away completely unexpectedly last summer, and while I feel stronger and more together than I thought was possible, most days I wake up in shock that my new reality is a life without my mom. I've learned how to navigate that deep pain a bit, having some control over when and how I want to think about it and experience it, but I have my triggers. It hurts when I hear people complaining about how their moms are"so annoying.
This holiday always felt completely innocuous till now. In fact, my mom never liked us making a big deal over it. So I'm trying to remind myself that it's just a day, and not everyone is experiencing it like I am. But then it occurred to me — some are. And so, for those of you out there, or are curious what this type of loss feels like, I feel compelled to share a voice that's not really heard. Mother's Day doesn't have to be just for celebrating; it can be for remembering.
The toughest thing about losing your mom suddenly at a young age is that you never, not for a minute, thought she wouldn't be there. As a kid I'd call out her name in the darkness from my bedroom if I ever felt scared or ill. Sometimes I could only get out a whisper, but she'd appear instantly, as if she already knew. She taught me everything.
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