Poutine? A better McMuffin? A bigger Big Mac?? We’ve been hosed.
In those dark, sunless winter months when the temperature hits minus 20 degrees Celsius on the moose-lined banks of Lake Louise, I imagine that each Canadian is warming themself with the knowledge that they’ve beaten us at our own game. Canada has something America doesn’t and perhaps never will: McDonald’s supremacy.
Sit with this information for as long as you need, but also accept it. McDonald’s may have been born in the abundant order of sunny, postwar California andas an emblem of American soft power. But its stateside flagships have been tragically and thoroughly surpassed in bread and breadth by their counterparts in the north.
It’s not supposed to be this way—not in a capitalistic sense or a civic sense or a spiritual sense. Canada has its full year of paid parental leave and excessive apologizing and bagged milk. McDonald’s, obviously, was meant to be America’s thing, our birthright of processed riches and our lodestar toward joy and cardiovascular decay. Instead, American McDonald’s fade like ersatz pyrite against the shine of Canada’s golden arches.
The proof, sadly, is in the poutine. A permanent offering in Canadian McDonald’s, this sloppy mire of french fries topped with gravy and cheese curds curiously has no decadent parallel on McMenus across the so-called Peace Bridge. I wish this culinary trade deficit began and ended with Canada’s national sloppy drunk dish, but it doesn’t.
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