Why people sometimes need to do strange things to cope with grief—and why that's OK, writes SophiaDembling
Grief is deeply personal, and if something helps, it's nobody else's business.I talk to her ashes—am I crazy?I still haven’t changed her pillowcase—am I crazy?support groups and you will inevitably hear an “Am I crazy?” question. And you will just as inevitably hear an impassionedin response, along with lots of “Me too!” and “You think that’s crazy? Listen to this…” stories—the things other grievers do that might sound crazy in any context other than grief.
I realize that support groups are not for everyone, but I have found them invaluable. Grief is weird and overwhelming and scary, and if nothing else, it really helps to have people to reality check with—people who won’t be frightened by the weird things you do but rather will understand and relate to them.I felt her hug me in the night—am I crazy?Amongst other people deeply in grief, there is very little you can say that would cause people to recoil in horror or dismay. Strangling kittens.
Grief is intense and you can never become an expert at it because every loss is different. Losing your mother and losing your spouse are both heartbreaking, but they’re different heartbreaks. Each loss hits us differently. It’s the most difficult challenge we face as humans, and we’re each making it up for ourselves as we go. And so we grasp at anything to find respite from the pain, self-soothing with whatever works.
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