Advice: Grieving a mom who died too soon to become a grandma, and dreading dad’s new girlfriend, are a lot for a new parent to carry.
He has been looking to date since maybe six months after my mom died. He has been oversharing his attempts to find a girlfriend since the beginning, and it’s been disturbing to hear. Ever since he found this girlfriend a couple of months ago, my dad seems completely uninterested in my son. He doesn’t ask for photos, doesn’t ask about milestones, doesn’t ask how we’re all doing.
I can’t stop getting upset and resentful that my mom never got to meet her grandson and that his girlfriend will meet my son. My mom would have been the best grandma, and I’m just devastated she never got to be one. How do I approach this situation when everything about it upsets me?My first children were born eight months after my mother died. She was 61 and energetic, so until she was diagnosed with ALS, I had reasonably envisioned her as a part of my life for a good 20 years more, or beyond.
So please know this comes from a place of sympathy: While your devastation makes a lot of sense to me, your cause-and-effect trail does not. It is no one’s fault that your mother got cancer and died before she could be a wonderful grandmother to your child. There is ample room for grief and frustration and rage at the universe for its arbitrary cruelty — I’m right there with you on that one — but it is absolutely, profoundly unfair to act out any of these feelings with your father or his girlfriend.
Your “most amazing” mother, after all, loved and chose and married and stayed with your dad. She had reasons, no?
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