A family wedding looms with abusive dad on the guest list, and a reader dreads awkward questions about their estrangement.
How do I handle seeing him and answering awkward questions from family who don’t know the whole story? I’m not really interested in getting into the nitty-gritty or making this event about me, but I’m also not interested in being lectured about my absence from his life or being told to “get over it.” How can I respond and move on?You’re brave to go. Clearly you have a powerful reason to, so please keep that squarely in mind as you navigate the various obstacles.
If there’s anyone you wish would give the whole thing a little more thought, then say something more pointed: “I’m sure you’ve heard a lot of things about this. If they’re not from me, though, then they warrant skepticism.” Or just, “Well, that’s one version.”have to engage anyone on this. You can mentally put on blinders that allow you to see the people you’re there for, and only the people you’re there for. Others can lecture the air that displaces you when you walk away.
Another option is to focus on the interrupting itself: “Okay, but I wasn’t finished. May I continue?” A rhetorical question, always. There’s also a range of options for rethinking what and how you share with her. Are you, for example, constantly re-tilling old soil? Is this just her way of saying, “Holy hell, fix it or move on!!!” Not that I’ve ever experienced that myself, ahem.Alternately, do you just work better as friends when you talk about ideas instead of events? Some people are great places to offload stuff, and some people just … aren’t.
Larger point being: You asked her to stop, and it didn’t work, so now try changing your own behavior toward positive, productive ends. See whether friendship follows you there.
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