Some people do well with rigidity. For grayhchapman, rigidity seemed to create conditions that amplify her own anxieties.
I was probably about a week or so into a round of Whole30 when I had the dream: a beautiful plate of nachos drizzled in cheese, which dream-me promptly and happily devoured. I awoke in a panic, horrified to realize that I’d gone off-plan and would have to start all the way over, like I was respawning in some twisted nutritional video game. When I woke up and shook off the sleep, I was awash in relief once I realized no nachos had been consumed. But the lingering unease stuck with me.
I embarked on my first round of Whole30 in 2011 after seeing a flyer at a grocery store. My sedentary, food-centric day job at the time had me feeling sluggish; each day I met with restaurant owners and almost always ended up eating with them or driving back to the office with multiple to-go boxes of their food.
Sometimes during a cycle of Whole30 I did lose a little weight. But more enduring than those fleeting was the impact that eating according to a restrictive, binary rule set seemed to have on me and my relationship to the foods I ate—and moreover, those I avoided. It wasn’t all bad: For maybe the first time in my life, I was making a conscientious effort to read ingredient labels, avoid sugar, nix booze, and pay close attention to what I was eating.
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