Here's why some proposals go horribly wrong—and, intriguingly, what tends to happen after a rejection, writes belladepaulo
Public proposals had a higher rate of rejection than private ones.When a man proposes to a woman in public, many people respond with great enthusiasm. If you instead get an uneasy feeling, you may be on to something. Just-published research on the characteristics of
proposals that are rejected shows that proposals made in front of other people are more likely to be rejected than proposals made in private., University of Victoria psychologists Lisa B. Hoplock and Danu Anthony Stinson analyzed 374 stories of rejected and accepted marriage proposals that were posted anonymously at Reddit.com or Weddingbee.com. Most of the stories were written by women. Nearly all of the people who proposed were men proposing to women.
. Of the proposals that were rejected, 10% came from men who had never even dated the woman they were proposing to. Six of those proposals were made by complete strangers.When proposals were accepted, the couple had been dating for nearly twice as many years as when proposals were rejected .When the man didn’t offer a ring, his proposal was 8.5 times more likely to be rejected. If he did not get down on one knee, his proposal was 4.7 times more likely to be rejected.
That wasn’t the most common reason, though. Most often, when a proposal was rejected it was because the woman thought they were too young or they just weren’t ready yet.For three out of every 10 couples , a rejected proposal was not the end of the relationship. They continued to date. Only 21 people indicated how long they continued dating; on the average, it was 2.4 years. Five couples eventually married.Getting their proposals rejected was, unsurprisingly, painful to the men.
In some ways, though, it was worse for the women. If the proposal had been made publicly, the audience was more likely to be hostile to the woman than to the man. The man was sometimes comforted by the onlookers. In contrast, one woman was “booed out of the bar” and another was kicked out of a restaurant.
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