If a relationship is truly toxic and not just going through a rough patch, there's little to gain -- and much to lose -- by staying in it. Signs to watch for, from a clinical psychologist:
Even the best relationships have their tough moments. In my own life I’ve gone through hard times with my parents, brothers, and spouse, and thankfully these difficulties don’t have to mean the end of a relationship. When a relationship is fundamentally sound, working through a conflict together—even if it’s messy—can actually make the relationship stronger.– there’s little to gain and much to lose by staying in it.
Decades of research on how we learn have shown that this pattern—what scientists call “intermittent reinforcement”—is a powerful way to make us keep working for a reward, like our partner’s attention. It’s the same dynamic that makes a starved rat press a lever over and over until it gets a pellet of food. We never know when the next reward will come, so we keep trying. It's exhausting and bewildering.
"Without realizing it, I was letting go of my entire support structure," she said, which meant losing the grounding we find when we're with people we've known since childhood. Without these connections,"your relationship with the manipulator becomes the new norm, and so they really have control."When you're in a healthy relationship, the other person loves you for who you are.
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