These all deserve an award or something.
"This is Mortimer. Two years ago, he came home inside my Christmas tree and would fly around my apartment every evening when I got home from work for about a week. I was in a pretty bad depression at the time, and weirdly, his chaotic greetings brought joy to my day.
Then, suddenly, I never saw him again. Three months later, I was laying upside down on my couch and saw his lifeless body trapped in a kitchen light. So, naturally, I got him down and crudely encased his body in resin so that he can hang out with me every Christmas for years to come!"
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