5. Ride him like he’s a large horse. In a non-sexual way
• Have him rock me in his gigantic arms like I’m a tiny, sexy baby.
• Co-own a small plot in a community garden where we grow basil, mint, cucumbers, tomatoes, and some Swiss chard.• Ride him like he’s a large horse. In a non-sexual way.• Drape myself across his expansive shoulders and have him carry me around like a sheep to slaughter.• Start a lengthy email thread where we send each other TripAdvisor links for our upcoming trip to Portugal together.
• Do a role-play where I’m an intrepid mountaineer and he’s K2 because it’s less commercial and more technically difficult than Everest and also uh oh, watch out, there’s a storm coming. • Another role-play where I’m Captain Sully Sullenberger and he’s U.S. Airways Flight 1549 and we just took off from LaGuardia.• Transcribe the entirety of War and Peace on his left pec and have room to spare.• Go to the mall and watch him try on a series of progressively tighter cashmere sweaters.• Find a tiny, injured baby bird that he cradles gently in his enormous, skillet-sized hands and help him nurse it back to life.
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