These surprising parts of our personalities and mental lives may seem mundane but thinking about them another way could actually be key to our mental health.
We often imagine that putting others before ourselves is a sign of weakness, but research suggests it’s actually a stealth superpower: The most “generative” people have better long-term well-being than others.It’s often thought that feeling good about yourself derives from being able to look back with pride on your accomplishments, no matter how modest or grand. This focus on individualis often referred to as “eudaimonic” well-being.
The benefit derived from putting other people before yourself counters the idea that well-being can come only from that eudaimonic feeling of achieving your own personal goals. Erik Erikson, who first proposed the theory, called the opposite of generativity “stagnation.” In his model, people who stagnate become more and more self-focused, spending money on endless home redecoration, expensive vacations, and beauty treatments.
For example, we generally feel more comfortable asking a friend rather than a stranger to, say, sponsor us in a charitable fundraising effort or help us with a task. Butfound that while we tend to think our friends will be more amenable to our requests, strangers are almost equally willing to pitch in.
It turned out the task was easier than either group expected: Participants had to ask, on average, only 3.8 strangers or 3.1 friends to get three to consent. Not only did participants greatly underestimate their ability to get strangers to agree to their request, but, surprisingly, strangers were almost as likely as friends to say yes.and are more central to those networks than we realize, but we also have more influence over more types of people.
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